I survived half of senior year!

One more semester and i'm done.

Honestly, though, i'm scared and worried. All these questions pop up in my head while i'm having senioritis, and it's making me sigh a lot. First off, I have a harder schedule next semester (3 finance classes and 2 supply chain classes). I regret a bit on making this schedule easier [like, so much easier since one of my fun professors taught 2 of my classes]. On top of that, i have my internship for the spring, and i'm not sure if it will extend to a full-time position. Honestly, though, it's more like...graduation is coming soon and i'm not ready to go straight into the workforce. Do I want to travel a little bit first before i go back to work or should i prepare for grad school? I haven't even prep myself on taking the GMAT/GRE yet either >-> So many things to do in so little time.

Along the way, i had to prioritize a lot of things for next semester. For example, i had to drop one of my officer positions, and it was hard becuz i really like the club. I'll still be a member, but i won't be as involved in the decision making. I switched to a different position for my other org, and i feel much more relieved knowing that there's two other officers who will help me throughout the semester while i take care of the things that i wanted to continue doing (ex: bigger projects.

Anyway, after that, i felt much more organized, but i'm still scared. After college, there wont be this kind of environment anymore. I feel like i'm thinking too much in my head and not enjoying life at all. Once i start working, I will be forced to think about my future more seriously, which i'm still not sure about yet nor really prepared for :( I just feel so overwhelmed and i can't see myself where i want to be in 5 years. I just know i love school, and that's where i want to be dealing with somehow. For now, I'll just do this one step at a time and enjoy what i can now before it's too late.

Fyi, i'm actually in Galveston for an officer retreat and it was great being able to see the oceanic view and relax even for just a little bit. Makes me realize how much of a wanderer i really am. I WANT TO TRAVEL!

Alright. Gonna relax some more. Ciao!

This is going to be a stressful senior year and what i'm feeling after Harvey

Yup, it's my last year in school, and I'm feeling a whole lot of different emotions at the same time.

That feeling of anxiety of finding out what to do post-graduate is scary and relieving. Even though a lot of people want school to be done with, i'm not really ready for that yet. I'm one of the few who really likes to study and chill with my friends everyday, but i know that's not going to stay like that forever. Eventually, i'll have to move on and start working on my career and love life, basically adulthood. It's just sad and scary at the same time. If i could have one more year, i think i would be ready, but right now, i just feel rushed and not prepared. Maybe becuz my first year in college I was not active enough.

I spent my first year in college at a community college, and i wouldn't say it's not good becuz it helped saved me money. However, becuz of the atmosphere around me, i wasn't really involved on campus. I made a few friends, but all i did was just homework and then going to work. I remember when I started my first part-time job the first week of college. It was stressful, but it was worth the experience. I just wished I had done more during the summer breaks, esp studying abroad. I would've liked it if I had traveled during my first or second summer break, so i could spend this summer actually looking for an internship i may or may not like to continue at a company i might work in the future in the United States, particularly close to home. Like, literally, when i came back from HK, i've been very anxious trying to find what kind of job offers to get post-graduate. I'm not even sure if i should immediately go straight to graduate school either. I kind of want to, part-time at least, but i don't even know which school i should apply to, hence i'm not sure about costs either. It's just stressful trying to decide and do everything in one year. Plus, i want to spend it having fun, but with those thoughts in the back of my mind, i can't relax that long. Sigh, i think i'll just talk with my advisors and see what they think. But first, getting those job offers is important and looking up grad schools i might like to attend in the future. It's time to grow up.

Anyway, so Hurricane Harvey-lemma just tell u, it was scary and exhausting. Even though my house was one of the many houses that didn't flood, some weren't fortunate. It felt like a year before the clear blue sky came up again (in actuality, it was 5 days of relentless rain). I even got school off for almost 2 weeks, whereas connie got 2 full weeks off. Like damn, it was just horrible. At least 30 people died in the storm, and i'm so lucky not to be one of them. There's still some flooding here and there becuz of the release of water in the bayous & reservoirs. Sigh, becuz of this storm, deadlines and events have been pushed back (esp with one of my clubs), too and now i'm not even sure how it's going to go this semester. It's been a while since i felt a need to actually do something and donate. However, i know that people are going to expect that we, as an Enactus chapter of Houston, will have to do something, on a big scale, but we seriously don't have the manpower :( I wish we had something that could be a WOW opportunity, but it's just not going oh so well with all the date changes right now, along with my senior duties. STRESSSSSSSSSSSS

Ok, gonna go read some fanfic/watch some Running Man before I get more stressed on Labor Day. Last day off before it's time to go back to reality after all. Ciao.

Halfway Done with Study Abroad Program T.T

I am halfway done with my internship, and I’m already starting to miss this city and lifestyle. Here are some reasons why:

One, I probably won’t be able to see the friends I’ve made here and my relatives again, or for a while at least.  They’ve made me come out of my comfort zone, more than the actual city to be honest. Hong Kong, to me, is like a mini city, so I feel like I could live here for a while (if the rent wasn’t expensive, that is). Back home, I would always hang out with my group, which mostly consists of Asians, so we generally have the same mindset. However, meeting my classmates and the other students from other programs have given me different perspectives on life that I never would’ve thought if I didn’t come here.

Two, I’m going to miss living by myself. Technically, I should be dorming with one of my classmates, but she got her own room, and so I have the whole room (double-bed one) to myself. This is pretty Gucci compared to everyone else living here. The space I occupy would probably cost at least one, or two, or even five hundred thousand US dollars if I weren’t in this study abroad program. Rent here is just ridiculously expensive. Everything else like tax is not paid, free market economy makes it easier for people to sell (fake) things without a license. Even 7-eleven can sell alcohol at a cheap price ($10 USD for a bottle) becuz they don’t need an alcohol license. (why I even know this, it’s a long story. Let’s just say I’m always surrounded by alcohol and smoke.)

Three, I’ll also miss my coworkers (and their sarcasm xD). The whole atmosphere feels just like home, well sorta. I’m the youngest and an intern, so the professionalism has to be there. Other than that though, I’ll miss hearing their funny comments every weekday. It makes time goes by faster, which I don’t want it to.

Four, this whole trip has been like a vacay to me. Once I go back to Houston, I’ll have to deal with reality again. That includes, college, planning out post-career life, club officer activities (for two clubs, actually), and home chores. Sigh, why didn’t I do this sooner? I wish I was going into junior year. I would have more time to explore myself and do other things, like research, volunteering, traveling, etc. internally, I feel like a kid just learning about life. I feel old, too. Bros, I’ve done a lot of first time stuff during this trip than the 20 years I’ve been in Houston. Like, WHAT WAS I DOING BACK THEN??? It’s going to suck going back and facing those responsibilities, but what can I do but face them? I can’t really complain at this point. I just need to take action and stop being lazy and shy with my feelings.

One thing I’m definitely going to be taking back home with me is newfound confidence. After talking with so many different people during this trip and experiencing a study abroad program, including an internship, I feel like I can do anything (well, not really). I’ve always wanted to travel and try working in a different city, and I DID! ^_^ That’s one, or well, a lot, of checks off my bucket list.

If there’s anything I won’t miss, though, it’s the pricing here. It’s at least a dollar and a half more than the pricing in Houston (for a Tall Starbucks frap…I know.)

Alright, I’m going to go resume watching my Chinese drama. I have at least 30 episodes to catch up, so got lots of time during this trip to finish it. I'll be watching Game of Thrones soon, too. K, Ciao.

P.S. I'll probably post some pics here, but honestly, you can just check them out on my Facebook page or Instagram (Suki Tu and suki_winnie, respectively). 

What's my work life and lifestyle like right now?

Well, i'm actually adjusting pretty quickly.

Maybe becuz i have already visited HK, but it was only like 3 days. Or maybe becuz i have relatives here, so i'm not that afraid and homesick as i was when i was in Kansas City. Or maybe it's the culture that is familiar to me yet filled with different people mixed together.

Like New York, HK is like a hotspot, attracting and connecting with different types of people. I see British, Korean, Japanese, Indians, Africans, Filipinos, you name it., everywhere (except for Vietnamese ppl, which i'm not sure why). So, one thing i learned last week was that when ranking the universities here, the # of international people are one of the most weighted criteria. And you know what? Mainland Chinese people are considered international students. Like what?? No wonder HK universities are ranked high af. They're literally next door to China, man.

Oh, and last Saturday was the Handover anniversary of HK, which is the day when Hong Kong was given back to China, and the President came over, too. What sucks tho i didn't really see protests, which i wanted to take pics of. That's like something i always wanted to 'take part of' tho not really get involved. The other girls in my program saw one and even got a British flag from one of the protesters (jelly >.<).  But, at least we saw the fireworks. Idk if that counts as a a thing to see thoooo >_> But bros, it was such a coincidence that the rain stopped when the fireworks stopped. It was something out of a movie scene. We couldn't get a good view nor take good pics cuz there was a thunderstorm and gusts over 70 mph, but there were still a lot of ppl who came out to see the fireworks. It became kind of a tradition since the handover, so yeah.

Anyway, it has already been two and a half weeks. My sleep schedule went back to the way it was (meaning i stay up til past midnight). Living by myself has been alright so far. I don't really have any big issues since i need to learn how to manage a work and life style on my own. Work place is nice: there's a lounge, i have my own desk, my co-workers are the best, and restrooms. They're pretty scarce here, esp with the toilet paper. I will probably get lonely after the other intern leaves tho. He's also a fellow Coog who graduated in 2012 :D It's nice having somebody like that who understands where you're from. This is his last week, and he's going back to London for his Master's, which is cool. Lots of traveling, which i want to do in the future. But, i'll take things one step at a time. It was nice getting some advice from him post graduate life becuz i'm not really with alumnus at my school. But now, i think after being separated from my usual group of people, i feel a lil bit more confident talking with people (except boys). I can nvr get inside their heads. I can be rational with them, but other than that...let's just say i'm not good beyond the friend scale lol.

If anything tho, i haven't even explored 1/3rd of the city yet. With more field trips to come, i hope to meet more students from other programs and see more of the rawness of the city. Lots of first times i will be experiencing during this trip, oh, which includes my first time to a legit bar lol. I'll save that story for another time....ahahaha

Ok, ciao.

Finally in Hong Kong!

It has been a long week. I'm still a little bit jet lag from Houston time, but I think it should be gone by Sunday.

I am excited coming back to HK (Hong Kong) after 3 years ago. I am actually glad that I have relatives here because I get pretty homesick really easily, and I'm going to meet my grandma's sister and her nephew whom I love a lot later today. Coming into this program, my expectations were a little bit dif than what i thought. There's actually only 4 people in my specific program (altho one is in a Master's program, so i dont think it's the same as the 3 of us). Also, class is nowhere near the HKU or affiliated with it, so our class is from 6-9pm on fridays after work... Not sure that was in the syllabus i read, but ok...still not comfortable going home that late tho. Plus, i think they're changing up the assignment. A.g.a.i.n. Oh well, i have a pretty big tolerance, but once i realize something's not going to work, i gotta say something. 

Anyway, here goes my other first impressions:

1. Hotel room is small. I swear, they took a queen size bed, split it in half and separate it by only a foot, as described by my roommate. But, as you can c in the pics below, there are a lot of tall buildings and apartments here. HK is like 70% full of green stuff, you name it: mountains, grass, parks, etc. So everything is cramped and there's always somebody around the corner. It's actually pretty safe cuz of this type of living environment. You can't get away from committing a crime. 

2. WiFi is slow af. I can't even Google search something without waiting for like 5 mins or so. >_> I try to stay connected as much as i can on my free time, esp when i ride on the subway train to go to work and going back home. Plus, it seems like everybody is on their phone doing something. They do that or stare into you like you did something wrong. >.<'

3. Lots of skyscrapers. My neck hurts every time i try to sight-see the city from the ground. But, it's still pretty eye-boggling with all the designs.

4. Humid and rainy. Right now, it's typhoon season, so it has been raining often since i came here. As a matter of fact, it's sprinkling right now.
5. Everyone is doing something. No time is wasted. Literally HK island oozes productiveness everywhere. Plus, the people are very observant. Like, a seat would get snatched away quickly on the subway and people can tell when they leave. And the elevators here, omg, they're so sensitive that you can just touch it lightly to light it up. If touch it longer it will undo the action, meaning, if u pressed the wrong floor, u can undo it. *.* man, if only things here were like this back home in Texas. 

Ok, so maybe there are more complaints than compliments right now, BUT i'm sure i'll get use to this lifestyle quickly. I haven't really explored the city at all honestly, so what i just said before are mostly technical things which i pay more attention to. I'll post something with more interesting stories next time. Until then, here are some pics i took:

Alright. Ciao. 

A month before I leave for Hong Kong

I'm anxious and excited at the same time.

I'm not sure what i'm feeling anymore honestly. it seems like a dream come true but the thought is also making me uncomfortable knowing that i will be away from home for two months. Even though it may not seem as long as some people might think, it would be my 2nd time away from family and friends that long.

The first time was with my club members to Kansas City, Missouri, and it was awesome experience. I really liked the feeling of doing something out of Houston. I didn't know what to expect, and for my first trip it was cool. Altho it wasn't exactly the same becuz it was for club work, so most of my conversations were about club work. When I think about how my internship in Hong Kong will be like, it's a lonely feeling. I've felt a little bit homesick, but more so of missing my grandma. Whenever i see her, it feels like home more than anything else. Of course, i want to travel, but seeing her as much as i can before she goes to a better place is what i want more for now. Before i graduated high school, i was anxious whether or not she would make it to my graduation. I am a first-generation student in my immediate family, so it's a first time for my parents and Grams to see someone go to college who will mostly away from home. That's mostly why i wanted to stay in the city for my undergrad while i travel here and there for short periods of time.

Not eating homemade food really made me think how grateful i am for my Grams. She cooks everyday (with occasional eating out sessions) and, boy, she cooks EVERYTHING, including tomatoes, lettuce, spinach, etc. Stuff that I would like to eat somewhat more raw? lol, but yeah after eating out for the whole 4 days without her being by my side to lecture me about eating raw food, i realized how much i missed her voice and face. Welp, I'm coming back to houston in about 3 hours anyway, so i'll see her soon ^_^

Until then, ciao!

Busiest Month Yet

Haven't felt this stressed or busy since high school.

Bros, like, i've been writing lots of essays (plus editing them) for study abroad scholarships, 5 senior classes, officer duties, volunteering, and working part-time. Now that i've completed a lot of stuff, i can worry about my exams now. Oh well, it's good stress. I considered it as productive instead since there aren't any negative feelings. I still make time for dramas, variety shows, and anime.

Let's see...i don't really have anything to update except of the 'good' stress i'm handling right now. OH, uh, well it's not really an update, but more like, MY ALLERGIES ACTING UP AGAIN. UGH.
T___T literally, every minute i'm sniffing, sneezing, snoozing, and feeling foggy. Medicine barely last me for an hour or so, then i forget to bring them to school the res to of the day >_>
I never had allergic reactions until recently in the last two or so years. I wonder if my immune system is getting worse....i haven't been exercising as much as i wanted to either, so that could've contributed to my condition now. Ah well, i can deal with it (if i remember to bring my medicine).

Alright, gonna continue editing my Gilman essays. GL to me. Ciao.

I'm getting sucked into...

the world of khiphop. A new genre to my diverse music playlist. Yay!

First of all, first week of school of the year is over and i'm really excited. Although my classes are harder, i think i can absorb the material now better. Before, i took classes that were completely just doing tests, and i'm really bad at conceptual questions, too. Now, there are more project-based things to do, which i'm excited and anxious about. What if i don't work well with my team members? I'm kinda an individualist, so it will be a challenge for me, but i hope to do well.

Next topic: Sherlock. So i finished watching the last ep of the 4th series. And idk what to think anymore lol....uh...you can see what i thought in Tumblr (honeypoohbear) for that. But, i loved it nevertheless. No matter what, it still triumphs over other shows i have watched.

Anyway, back to the title. So, I was watching Hip Hop Tribe: Game of Thrones season 2 (a korean celebrity rapping competition show), and i learned a lot about some artists in the korean hip hop world. You know how US hip hop originated from NY and the Bronx? Well, i started to get interested in how hip hop is being cultured there. Really interesting. And you can already guess it, I'm a huge Big Bang and YG stan. My first hmmm..you could say R&B/hip hop song I listened to was Wedding Dress by Taeyang. My interest grew after watching Show Me the Money and a few hiphop artists on korean variety shows like Running Man. So now i'm listening to other artists, such as Dok2, Changmo, Simon D, Jay Park, BeWhy, and recently E Sens and a lot more. I think i am getting too turnt these days xD I even added one of these videos in my blog playlist. Check them out (even though i may not understand some of the lyrics sometimes) Wish there were more translations T.T

Ok, gonna do some hw now...byes

First Day of School of the Year

Happy New Year~~~ Year of the Chicken!

Seems like this year is off to an okay start. I didn't go out to do fireworks as I usually do with my friends since i wanted to hang out with my fam. So, it feels dull so far. But, today was the first day back to school, so i'm excited and anxious >.<

Ofc, that big headache came in again as usual. Back-to-school days are always like that, but i at least i feel more motivated. Spring semesters are better than fall ones since i'm already used to it with only a month-long break in between. Hope to learn a lot this semester before summer begins. I just need to find the motivation and the right people to support me.

I probably won't write much in the meantime, so, hopefully, the next time i come back here i will feel better and have much to write about :)

Until then, bye! gonna go now and take a nap.

The nerd addiction is too real

Bruh, it's that time again when i get back into the anime and kpop/drama world. This past week, i wept over the news of Running Man ending and rewatching anime eps like Yuri on Ice. The hype is realllll. Man, the anime is a really nice rom-comedy, one i haven't watched in years. Nothing awk about the fact that it's based on a gay relationship which i totally support in real life as well. Definitely on my list of top fav animes of all time

As for Running Man, i can't believe it's ending next year #7012forever :'(
After watching something for 5+ years, especially a reality comedy show with the same 7 members throughout, the feeling runs in you pretty deeply. I love the family atmosphere of the cast members. There's so much dynamic b/w them that the relationship is much stronger than a cast in a show just making gags. You can literally see their real personalities and feel like you're're in there, too. I thrive in that kind of atmosphere in real life, too. I love to laugh around my friends and talk about random shiz/life topics. It just makes my whole day better when you let your feelings go.

Alright...i really need to sleep now. Eyes starting to sag even tho school ended.

Productive Winter Break

As the title suggests, it really does seem like i'm working during winter break. 

So, finals ended last friday, but it didn't really bother me that I faltered a bit on my grades. Meaning, I finally got my first B in college. I knowwww, it sounds petty, and it really is. From this point on, i don't really care much about my GPA as i do about getting work experience. That was last year's goal, although, it shouldn't have been my only goal. I should've seriously applied for other things, like research, internships, volunteer work, etc. I did not bother to really try them out because i was so focus on homework and working part-time that i did not notice the bigger picture. Now that i'm a junior and have a full-ride scholarship (hallelujah), i realized this late how important it is to be more well-rounded than focusing on one aspect. Whatever, i can't really change the past, so i need to move on >_>

Anywayyy, this thinking resulted in me deciding to intern abroad in Hong Kong next summer. I'm currently working on the app, so i really hope it would be worth it. My main goal was to intern anyway, but when i thought about studying abroad, i was like "Why not?" I always wanted to travel and my parents wanted me to go back to China to work on my Chinese (I speak Cantonese rather than Mandarin so yeah). So, including the program app, i'm applying for more scholarships to help cover the cost (all due in Jan-Feb). SO YEAHHHH lots to write. 

And you know what sucks even more? I realized how i should've talked and connected with my teachers = more recommendations. Literally, i'm asking my faculty advisors instead becuz i'm more close with them from being involved with my club and classes (not with the teachers). I never even though about asking my volunteer supervisors or employers either. I was very shy and did what i was supposed to do, but i didn't had the courage to actually ask them, and they were all nice too. UGH where was this advice in high school when i needed it?? TT.TT alright enough of me ranting and time to start writing. Ciao!

Made a Tumblr

I'm probably late to this, but I made a Tumblr! It's titled Honeybearftw, but it will probably change. Trying to see if I can reach a different kind of audience in that social media platform. I'll still use this one for longer posts. Tumblr just gives me more options to choose from so yeah~
Here's the link: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/honeybearftw

So much to learn in so little time :) But at least it's winter break now (with one more final to go).

I miss...

my childhood. Watching princess Disney movies, reading the Series of Unfortunate Events (don't rmbr much tho...gonna re-read and re-watch the movie over the winter xD), and sleeping all day.

A few minutes ago, i was watching the trailer for the Beauty and the Beast starring Emma Watson, and I got very nostalgic when i heard the theme music. I used to watch the Chinese version of the animated movie (including Neighbor Totoro and Cinderella), so i kinda know the basic story line. i don't really know the details though since i never watched the dubbed version. I'm anticipating it very much. OH, and you can't forget about Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. OMFG i'm super hyped up for that one, too. All these feelings from your childhood surfing into my adulthood gives me rejoice and the thrills.

Looking back at the fun things i've done as a child, there wasn't much actually. I was mostly cooped up at home and watched tv after coming back from school. Both my parents worked most of the time, so whenever we hang out, it's for lunch/dinner or a shopping spree with my mom (which is a marathon-length long). I wished i did more as a child. be it talking with more kids, go out and play some light sports, or read more books.

Well, now that i have a car (and can finally go past my curfew), i can explore my options. The only problem is my motivation. it's not more so just about my budget, but not being lazy and being afraid to go out and explore on my own. I feel more comfortable if i go to places with my close circle of friends. but now, I'm changing that habit and starting to branch out from my group. I still keep in touch but nowadays, i spend more time with my club members than my friends. I don't see it as a bad thing since i'm developing myself to become more open-minded.

So, hopefully, this change will help me get one step closer to my goals :)

I watched...

Dr. Strange last night and BOYYYYY, it did not disappoint me.

I absolutely loved it. 9/10 Lost one point cuz the villain was meh. But, other than that, everyone was was just so charismatic especially the Ancient One. She was so memorizing even though she had to do some stuff others may not have liked. I admired that quality of hers; it's something i want to have as a grow up.

I remember last yr, my chinese teacher said i was charismatic cuz i was able to convinced my lazy team member to do his part of our class project. We had to make a video and unfortunately, and I got paired up with the laziest student in class along with another girl. But, as i gradually got to know him better, he started to do his homework and got more involved with class activities. Apparently, my teacher was able to noticed his transformation and she told me during a class dinner how charismatic i was (thank goodness my team member wasn't there otherwise i would've been embarrassed af). So yeah, i liked that feeling of being a good role model for others. Even now, I still struggle being a good leader.

Anywayyy, I'll talk about that in a later post since i'm pretty tired. I just wanted a break from all the responsibility i had to handle today. I even got into a little argument with a friend the day before. Sometimes, i get pretty moody and i think that's how some ppl perceive me, too, which i don't want. But, it's harder to move on from old habits than i thought it would. Like, i look at how i act in a Snapchat, and i cringe at myself for doing this or saying that. Even though my friends and peers say other people's opinions and thoughts of you don't matter, part of them do, at least in the professional world. No matter if it's offensive or interesting, whatever they say or do will always stay on my mind for a while.

Alright, gonna sleep now...i'll definitely post some posts later on. Til then, Ciao. (^_^)/

Stress!

So, I changed up my blog design and added a few gadgets, and a new post.

Looks better, but it can be better. Man, I'm too much of a perfectionist and worrywart. Even though I have like 4 exams this week, I'm not that as fazed...or am I? So yeah, just a short post to update the blog. Anyway, going to study and stay up a bit more. I shall come back soon...

C ya.

Am i a reader?

nope, i'm more of a visual reader/learner, but i do like being surrounded by books.

So the past two weeks, i visited 4 different public libraries and 2 dif Half Price book stores. Weird isn't it? You would not hear someone saying they went to different libraries in one day then go to another one the next day without a legitimate reason. And i'm sure mines isn't really justifiable.

What made me go to a different library tho was becuz the local branch i go to is still 'under renovation.' I like the library atmosphere, it makes me focus a lot more than at home and school. idk, maybe cuz i used to always go there once a week. It just felt weird not being there anymore after going there after so many times. So i just randomly went on a library spree and bought a few books here and there, including Half Price Book Store. However, i don't really read much of the books that i check out (my feet likes to go towards the DVD section instead :P). I go there mostly for the studious atmosphere and check out reference books when needed.

One other reason that i went on that spree was that i wanted to go somewhere new but not too different. Idk if it makes sense, but I like going to new places that still consists of an atmosphere that i'm familiar with. It lightens up my mood but makes me feel safe & confident that i know what's going on around me. So, in a way, it didn't had to be a library but since i haven't gone there in a while, it just came to mind like that.

So yeah..looks like i have a lot to read now that i bought and borrowed some new books. Hopefully i have another break that will make me read them. I can't really read in one setting w/o the right mood and atmosphere (much like reading a textbook). If not anytime soon...oh well, they look great on my shelf. :D

I introduce to you...

my little sister. A.k.a. my roommate.

She's a stubborn rebel who is taller and 4 years younger than me. She sleeps in the same room with me, and let me just say, we don't really have a sisterly kind of bond at all. The least i can say is that she's still a good person and follows most of our house rules.

Before college my parents, esp my mom, would always remind me to be a good role model for my little sister. And, i followed what she said til we grew older and started getting into petty arguments. There were times when she would scratch me like a cat and/or kick me. T__T (i confess, i did [fake] cried a bit to make my parents lecture her for me only cuz they were louder and more effective than me).

One time i argued about her playing on her laptop for too long and prolonging her hw........ somehow it resulted in her laptop falling to the ground and my sister facing my mom's wrath. My mom's pretty materialistic btw. She's the type if there's even a scratch on the car she'll scream at you and punish you one way or another. Fortunately. that laptop still works to this day, but you can't exactly bring it everywhere with you anymore ahahaha. So you can see how dominant she was over me in terms of stubbornness and strength. (i'm telling yall, something she ate as a toddler must've turn her into a hulk)

However, after my sister entered high school, she became more mature and i lectured her more effectively that wouldn't end with bruises and broken things (including myself). I realized i'm not always right and she's not always to blame, too. Mostly i think it's becuz she got spoiled (as such since she's the youngest) but now we both listen to each other's opinions and advice.

So even though we still argue, we're both more blatant, chill, and less violent. Recently, i've been giving her a lot of advice about how to survive in my old high school and it makes me happy when she listens to me.
One thing I remembered when she was born, i was so curious about how she looked like that i tried to climb up on my mother's bed to see her in her crib. I was pretty impatient (even now), but i gradually grew fond of her and did my best to make sure she had a great example to follow becuz my parents used to work almost every day for more than 10 hrs. Having her with me also makes me secure and lean on her since idk when my grandma who practically raised us will leave. *tears*

Anywho~~ i just wanted to write a random topic so i went for a personal story. Hope u guys enjoyed it. Bai

What's annoying to hear?

That our generation is the worst, spoiled, and reckless.

So recently i've been watching some academia videos on YouTube, and i browsed into one talking about generation gaps. He said it is not justifiable to generalize our whole generation for just a few people that you thought was 'bad.' Plus, not all of us have access to technology or the freedom to their right, which I TOTALLY AGREE WITH.

After watching the video, i looked at the comments and agreed how some of us are really spoiled, including myself. That may be due to bad parenting or being ignorant of things, but whatever the reason, EVERY generation has faced troubles. May not be the same ones, but we (and other generations) have experienced similar innate struggles across time.

True, we live in a more integrated world, but not everyone in one generation has the same luxury as some like me. My parents were fortunate enough to come here as immigrants and give a better life for me and my little sister. I am grateful for that, however, i don't like to hear that my generation has it 'easier.' Of course doing work is more efficient to do now, making things process faster; our previous generations made these technological innovations so we can live that life! Every generation before that generation have supported and helped make their future family live in a better world.

I admit, i do judge people on their appearance and first impression greetings, but people have done the same to me, too. I can't really blame them for judging and hating me if they already have the wrong idea about my character. Or maybe they just don't like my personality. Cool, that's fine. I don't care. Let's move on. But, I'm still working on trying to get away from first impressions because i want to approach new people. I get surprised by people's past experiences and hobbies that are different from what i expected. It's a great feeling to be able to socialize with friendly people. It's just the non-friendly or shy ones that i have trouble connecting with. Like i said, it's a work in progress for me.

Anyway, done ranting for today. Off to my drama~~

ADHD (maybe but not really?)

I get so distracted easily. Add memory loss to that and I will wander into Netherlands soon.

I don't know when it started but most likely it stemmed from not listening to my elders for a long time. Back then, i would always ignore whatever they said that i didn't like or was irrelevant to my life. Eventually, that spread to my school work and lectures too. One thing i do know is that my condition isn't that serious cuz i was able to get good grades by working hard. I'm no prodigy, but I had a really hard time trying to stay on topic. Even when i'm watching videos or reading stuff i like, i get so distracted that i start wondering about other things, such as, "Oh, this texture of the book/page is really smooth," or "This person looks old/hot/weird," or "Why did they even use this picture??!" Yeah, weird thoughts.

It's not like i don't purposefully pay attention to what people say (unless it's a teacher who is bad at teaching, but i'm not really one to blame). I'm just very slow at processing stuff, so it takes me a while to register the things that i'm not really as interested in my brain. I'm not consistent either, and u can tell from my grammar and the style i'm writing in right now. Ask one of my friends, and one of the things they'll say is that i do/say weird things too that may be excessively random or out of the box (good & bad).

I can't stay focused after reading a few sentences, but what's weird is that I love being surrounded by books. I always imagined having a huge shelf full of books (mostly mangas and novels :P) in my dream home. Before my local library went into renovation this past yr, i would always ask my mom to drive me there weekly. To be honest, i used to go there just to check out DVDs, esp. National Geographic ones (i was always intrigued by wild animals ^^). But, I liked being in that studious environment. It felt like I could gain a lot of knowledge if i just read a few pages of this and that of any subject. Oh, and another note: i'm not used to loud, flashing lights, and crowded areas. It gives me a headache really easily, esp things like karaoke or big parties. BUT, i try to save up as much energy as i can (by eating a lot and resting) beforehand so i can have as much fun as i can with my friends.

Anyway, i don't have a really serious case of ADHD, but i do have some symptoms of it that are 'treatable.' If you guys have any suggestions, comment below plzzz. For now, i'm just going to tame my brain and meditate. :D

~This is all self-diagnosis, so everything i say may or may not be true~

What do I do on a daily basis?

Playing or listening to some soft music, especially piano ones. 

It takes me to another world, one that I'm just strolling around the streets and looking at awesome scenery. I self-taught how to learn the piano during high school after learning how to play the violin for 4 years at school. I didn't take piano lessons, so I'm not really playing properly but I have learned some pieces (some of them I learned partly or leveled down). Whenever i'm feeling anything that's strong (happiness, love, or sadness), I play/listen to my heart's content. It calms me down lol. 

Most of the piano music i listen to is called "New Age." It's not exactly classical nor an OST of a show/movie. They're pretty modern and more straightforward in terms of the feelings you get from each one of them. For instance, the first one i ever memorized by hand was I Giorni by Ludovico Einaudi. It was introduced to me through a mutual interest friend, so i was interested since then. 

It's just something i like to do, a hobby. One thing on my checklist would be to get a horizontal piano (a grand will take up a lotttt of space, but it would be ideal too if i can afford it). For now, i have an electronic one so I can play around with the sounds, but I would like to have an authentic one :P

Either way, it's one of the lowest things on the list that i would get. It's a privilege to even play one, the time and the e-piano i have. So yeah, i'm glad i got into it. It lessens my stress and gives me peace at the same time. 

Well, I hope to get back to this blog soon with something more interesting. I havent had any ideas since my last one, so i just wrote this xD  I'll write a better one.... i hope. ~~