What do I do on a daily basis?

Playing or listening to some soft music, especially piano ones. 

It takes me to another world, one that I'm just strolling around the streets and looking at awesome scenery. I self-taught how to learn the piano during high school after learning how to play the violin for 4 years at school. I didn't take piano lessons, so I'm not really playing properly but I have learned some pieces (some of them I learned partly or leveled down). Whenever i'm feeling anything that's strong (happiness, love, or sadness), I play/listen to my heart's content. It calms me down lol. 

Most of the piano music i listen to is called "New Age." It's not exactly classical nor an OST of a show/movie. They're pretty modern and more straightforward in terms of the feelings you get from each one of them. For instance, the first one i ever memorized by hand was I Giorni by Ludovico Einaudi. It was introduced to me through a mutual interest friend, so i was interested since then. 

It's just something i like to do, a hobby. One thing on my checklist would be to get a horizontal piano (a grand will take up a lotttt of space, but it would be ideal too if i can afford it). For now, i have an electronic one so I can play around with the sounds, but I would like to have an authentic one :P

Either way, it's one of the lowest things on the list that i would get. It's a privilege to even play one, the time and the e-piano i have. So yeah, i'm glad i got into it. It lessens my stress and gives me peace at the same time. 

Well, I hope to get back to this blog soon with something more interesting. I havent had any ideas since my last one, so i just wrote this xD  I'll write a better one.... i hope. ~~

Sigh

​Feeling angst and anxious.

I'm so conscious of what people say to me. I have really low self-esteem and I've been working on it. But it's still pretty hard for me to confront people or look at myself confidently.
I would like to let people know what my thoughts are but I rarely do be'cuz I'm so scared and worried of what their reactions are or talking back at them that might lead to an argument. What's worse is that I don't get mad at others but at myself instead. U know how some people's stomachs churn upside down becuz of seeing or hearing something disgusting? For me, it's like that, but when I look back at what people or I said to me or others.
Idk how this low self-esteem started but maybe it's be'cuz my mom always criticized me of every thing I do and discouraged me on a lot of things when I was a child. She's like the head of the household. I have more freedom now but now it's starting to spread outside instead.

Now that I'm older, I face criticism from outside the house and I know that it's good for me but it still hurts even when I act like I'm good in front of my friends.

I'm Selfish

Am I selfish? Yes, I really am.

One moment I care for people then I go back to my own worries. It varies, but it's definitely not consistent. My concerns for others, that is. I have a nonchalant view about many things and I don't act upon them. For instance, and many people probably could relate to this, it's like sending your prayers for people who are sick/in need, but you don't really do anything about it and move on. Apply that on a personal level and that's what I do.

Idk, I thought I opened up more but I guess I've gotten too much to the point where I don't keep in mind what I say and do anymore. I act before I think a lot. I don't really reason my actions until they happen and then I start questioning myself why did I do that. Embarrassing or regretful, I always look back at it right before I sleep (not everyday). Probably what fuels my insomnia tho :/

The things I've done may not have been horrible, but sometimes I have an ignorant, "idgaf" attitude (in my head) towards the things I do. Do I seem horrible now? Maybe. But yeah, I don't really show it. It's part of the reason why I didn't made much friends back in secondary school.

I feel bad (sometimes) that I don't keep myself in check in the right places & times. U could say, I should watch what I say and do more carefully now (with a more caring attitude). It's not like how my parents lecture me and tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it right away. My actions will still continue but now I know I need to put in more effort for longer lasting and deeper relationships. Even though others forgave me, it still lingers. I don't easily forget what people say to me about things (the worst side of me) pertaining to me. I guess you could say the selfishness is more of a human phenomenon but in this case, I just wanted to write it out and let others know of this experience.
Will I ever learn? I hope so and I'm working on it, but I'm still a working progress as I am with my work life, too.

Well then, I think that's enough thinking for today. If u hav any questions or comments plz let me know. One thing I do know for sure is that I like to hear and give advice to people in general. It lets me see from their perspectives and to learn from each other.
K, good night.

I Like to Daydream, Do You?

As the title suggests, daydreaming is something that I do...everyday.

The most I dream about is not real though. For instance, I would literally just imagine myself as the sidekick girl with magic powers in this anime or movie. That, or i try to be the cupid or the girl with the handsome guy, etc. Nevertheless, it has become something i do every time before i sleep at least.

I'm not sure when it became a daily habit. Most likely becuz I always read picture books back in elementary school. My comprehension lvl was really bad....to the point where i actually failed my state's assessment reading test in 3rd grade. my mom had to 'bail me out?' lol, i'm not even sure but let's just say i was able to advance forward. *cough cough* Anyway, i got better later on, but i'm still bad at seeing behind the meaning of the words.

Out of all my friends, i probably have the most illogical, nonsensical working mind. I can not follow straightforward board game rules or teach something easy step by step. I can't even think straight. One time my friends and i were playing Telestration (adult version), which is a game similar to Pictionary but there are multiple rounds and every person gets to draw and guess a word every other turn. One of my friends, his word was "Girl on Girl," and apparently i didn't see the boobs on the top girl. So, i wrote "Man groping a woman or vice versa ;)" At that point, I knew i was not normal, as always (according to my friends).

So yeah, maybe my daydreaming habit has something to do with my weird way of thinking. I'm very detail-oriented about school and work, but i don't exactly think with a common sense outside those worlds. I always like to think of the alternative. Like, "What would happen if this was...," or "Are you sure?" etc.
Sometimes, i'm very paranoid about the little details. Or maybe i'm just drunk 24/7.

Alright, peace. Time for me to sleep. Zzzzzzz

Hell o!

Hello, my fellow mates!
First time I'm actually making a blog. I wanted a personal website for the public to see and so here I am. I won't write my secrets be'cuz this would've been a diary. Now, why would I publish that?
In this blog I will talk about my personal feelings, abstract stuff that I'm in the mood to talk about, and just random stuff that I did on that day. I won't update this on a daily basis. Ain't got no time for that. Got summer school and work man. Oh, and hanging out with my awesome friends ;)

Part of the other reason why I made a blog is be'cuz my friend also made one and she's in SK right now, studying abroad. #Goals #Dream And so, I wanted to try it out (and practice my writing skills).

I hope you guys enjoy this. Thanks for visiting!