This is going to be a stressful senior year and what i'm feeling after Harvey

Yup, it's my last year in school, and I'm feeling a whole lot of different emotions at the same time.

That feeling of anxiety of finding out what to do post-graduate is scary and relieving. Even though a lot of people want school to be done with, i'm not really ready for that yet. I'm one of the few who really likes to study and chill with my friends everyday, but i know that's not going to stay like that forever. Eventually, i'll have to move on and start working on my career and love life, basically adulthood. It's just sad and scary at the same time. If i could have one more year, i think i would be ready, but right now, i just feel rushed and not prepared. Maybe becuz my first year in college I was not active enough.

I spent my first year in college at a community college, and i wouldn't say it's not good becuz it helped saved me money. However, becuz of the atmosphere around me, i wasn't really involved on campus. I made a few friends, but all i did was just homework and then going to work. I remember when I started my first part-time job the first week of college. It was stressful, but it was worth the experience. I just wished I had done more during the summer breaks, esp studying abroad. I would've liked it if I had traveled during my first or second summer break, so i could spend this summer actually looking for an internship i may or may not like to continue at a company i might work in the future in the United States, particularly close to home. Like, literally, when i came back from HK, i've been very anxious trying to find what kind of job offers to get post-graduate. I'm not even sure if i should immediately go straight to graduate school either. I kind of want to, part-time at least, but i don't even know which school i should apply to, hence i'm not sure about costs either. It's just stressful trying to decide and do everything in one year. Plus, i want to spend it having fun, but with those thoughts in the back of my mind, i can't relax that long. Sigh, i think i'll just talk with my advisors and see what they think. But first, getting those job offers is important and looking up grad schools i might like to attend in the future. It's time to grow up.

Anyway, so Hurricane Harvey-lemma just tell u, it was scary and exhausting. Even though my house was one of the many houses that didn't flood, some weren't fortunate. It felt like a year before the clear blue sky came up again (in actuality, it was 5 days of relentless rain). I even got school off for almost 2 weeks, whereas connie got 2 full weeks off. Like damn, it was just horrible. At least 30 people died in the storm, and i'm so lucky not to be one of them. There's still some flooding here and there becuz of the release of water in the bayous & reservoirs. Sigh, becuz of this storm, deadlines and events have been pushed back (esp with one of my clubs), too and now i'm not even sure how it's going to go this semester. It's been a while since i felt a need to actually do something and donate. However, i know that people are going to expect that we, as an Enactus chapter of Houston, will have to do something, on a big scale, but we seriously don't have the manpower :( I wish we had something that could be a WOW opportunity, but it's just not going oh so well with all the date changes right now, along with my senior duties. STRESSSSSSSSSSSS

Ok, gonna go read some fanfic/watch some Running Man before I get more stressed on Labor Day. Last day off before it's time to go back to reality after all. Ciao.

A month before I leave for Hong Kong

I'm anxious and excited at the same time.

I'm not sure what i'm feeling anymore honestly. it seems like a dream come true but the thought is also making me uncomfortable knowing that i will be away from home for two months. Even though it may not seem as long as some people might think, it would be my 2nd time away from family and friends that long.

The first time was with my club members to Kansas City, Missouri, and it was awesome experience. I really liked the feeling of doing something out of Houston. I didn't know what to expect, and for my first trip it was cool. Altho it wasn't exactly the same becuz it was for club work, so most of my conversations were about club work. When I think about how my internship in Hong Kong will be like, it's a lonely feeling. I've felt a little bit homesick, but more so of missing my grandma. Whenever i see her, it feels like home more than anything else. Of course, i want to travel, but seeing her as much as i can before she goes to a better place is what i want more for now. Before i graduated high school, i was anxious whether or not she would make it to my graduation. I am a first-generation student in my immediate family, so it's a first time for my parents and Grams to see someone go to college who will mostly away from home. That's mostly why i wanted to stay in the city for my undergrad while i travel here and there for short periods of time.

Not eating homemade food really made me think how grateful i am for my Grams. She cooks everyday (with occasional eating out sessions) and, boy, she cooks EVERYTHING, including tomatoes, lettuce, spinach, etc. Stuff that I would like to eat somewhat more raw? lol, but yeah after eating out for the whole 4 days without her being by my side to lecture me about eating raw food, i realized how much i missed her voice and face. Welp, I'm coming back to houston in about 3 hours anyway, so i'll see her soon ^_^

Until then, ciao!